Today is Good for Remembering

Good Friday was never my "favorite" but I did welcome the reminder, the tears, the sorrow, the agony. I use today to reflect on the Crucifixion and let it penetrate my heart. In my humanity, I still fail every day. It's called sin. I will not sugar coat it to make me or anyone else feel better. Sin is the reality of our existence. HOWEVER, because of what Jesus chose to do, to be tortured and shamed and put to death...I am not tortured, shamed or put to death because of MY sin.

I am alive and thankful. Grace saved me from the judgement I deserve. It is in the heart of a grateful person where the greatest joy is found. I live and breathe life because I am FREE. Many deny Jesus today. Many denied Jesus while He hung on a cross. As for me, once I discovered truth...there was no more denying. He died to take my place. He died to take your place.

Yes, that time you lied. That time you cheated. That time you stole (yup, even office supplies). That time you hated so deeply you wished someone dead. That time you broke the law (darn those speed limit signs!). That time you envied. That time you disrespected your parents. That time you swore a promise...and then you broke it. The affair with a married man. Your vulgar language. That time you drank so much you don't remember how you got home and did it again the next weekend...for six years. All your addictions, including the ones popular culture says "doesn't hurt anyone". The baby whose life you ended. Every day you let pass without actively pursuing the dream God has placed on your heart. Yes, even wasted time because of laziness is considered failure -- sin.

Can you add to the list? Because that list is mine. I own it.

Thankfully, it does not own me.

Because of the Cross.

Today I review every item on my list and nail it to the Cross. Not because I've been held prisoner to it and have never been forgiven but as a reminder. As a human being I forget. Things go well. Life moves on and I forget. We wouldn't need reminders on our smart phones and calenders and phone calls from the doctor's office if we weren't such a forgetful bunch. So today I remind myself. I remember.

I read the words in Scripture. I picture it in my mind. I imagine the brutality until I feel the remorse. Until my eyes swell with repentance and I rush to nail my list to the Cross, including the new ones I've had to add. Yes, the ones I keep going back to. I beg for forgiveness. I beg for Jesus to be taken down from the Cross.

"Please! No more! He doesn't deserve to die for what I did. Not Jesus. He didn't do anything wrong!"

I try to imagine the confusion. I try to imagine what it must have felt like for Peter, James, Matthew, Thomas...Judas. They were His friends. They breathed in every moment with Jesus for three years. Now He was taken from them and hanging on a Cross. This is not how it was supposed to end!

I imagine Mary, His mother. Her son brutalized and hanging, naked on a Roman execution Cross. But God said her son was the Chosen One. She felt Him move during her pregnancy. She birthed Him. Nursed and clothed Him. She even lost Him once. Joseph died and left her as a widow. What would he say to her if he saw the Child he adopted hanging by nails, flesh dripping? How does a mother grieve when death has not yet snatched life but waits? Does she remember the words Simeon spoke to her at the temple when Jesus was days old?

"...And a sword will pierce your own soul too" 

I imagine John when Jesus entrusts His mother to his care. I imagine the Roman soldiers and the Centurion. Perhaps the same government official whose son was cured was also the one standing at the foot of the Cross, wondering how this could be?

I imagine the Pharisees mocking. And I remember a time I did as well.

I imagine the moment the skies grow dark and the earth shakes and the words "It is finished" echos through hearts as tears form rivers from those who loved Jesus. I feel my own. My heart rips in two as I imagine the curtain in the temple did.

Jesus has died. He died because of the collective me.

What now? Has hope also died? What about the promise? The prophecies? Jesus' words? His miracles? His teachings? His laughter? His presence? His friendship? Agonizing grief of a loved one gone settles in. What now?

I let myself absorb. I remind my heart because it is in the reminding that the forgotten becomes real again, fresh. Today I remember the sacrifice. Today I remember the agony. Today I remember the why. Today I remember death. Today I remember a sealed tomb. Today I remember the hiding and the weeping. Today I remember the anguish.

Today I remember my sins nailed Jesus to the Cross.

Today is Friday...but Sunday's a coming.

Freedom - My lot in life

Life is full of comedy and tragedy.

Shall we cry, stomp our feet and mutter obscenities at every thorn, brier, and pebble in our shoe? I shall not. Yes, I do wince in pain when it comes. Yet I marvel and delight that I'm alive enough to feel it. I love and laugh and love some more and do not quibble over trivial things. Would I not rather have grace and forgiveness course my veins than bitterness and anger? Yes, I am cast off by others' boundries and selfish pride. But I'm empowered because I choose to be free of their judgmental glances and opinions of superiority. I walk where others see no light. I laugh where others see no joy. I dance where others hear no music. I live where others see no hope. I love where love has been forgotten. I forgive because I've been forgiven.

I am free not only because I've been set free but also because I've chosen to walk free.

Freedom is a choice. Freedom to weep and mourn a loss. Freedom to rejoice for new beginnings and opportunities. Freedom to laugh and dance. Freedom to love and forgive. This is my lot in life.

Are you holding someone prisoner by your unforgiveness? Will you not choose to set them free? Maybe you'll discover that prisoner is you.

Mother...all forms

I have the blessed opportunity and because of grace have the greatest fortune to want to celebrate my mom.

Today, who is close to my heart?

My mom
All moms
Stepmoms
Foster moms
Single moms
Moms to be
Moms who wanted to be
Moms who need a break
Moms who lost that precious child
Future moms with one more IVF treatment
Moms who adopted
Moms who lost that adoption
Moms who gave up their child for adoption
Moms who long to find her lost child
Moms who are watching their child die
Military moms who long to have leave to hold their child
Military moms who's husband will never hold their child
Moms who for the very first time regret their abortion
Moms who have passed
Moms who were never present

Moms.

Moms and the men who love their moms, or miss their moms, or hate their moms.

Moms.

It is such a beautiful and important day for so many to celebrate and a painful reminder for others.
After many years of introspection and healing, I can truly celebrate the woman who gave me life and tried the best she could. The list of things I hated and held together with bitterness has turned to ashes. I consider myself one of the lucky ones who found grace and forgiveness and a renewed sense of doing better with our children...because I know better.

This mother's day my wish is that we all do better. My wish is that we remember the woman who wanted to be a mom and never could BUT she is the best mom she can be to the animals she cares for in her home. My wish is that we remember the friend who has adopted and celebrate AND that we quietly remember the woman who gave her child to this family and prayerfully hope there has been wholeness and healing.

My wish is that we remember the elderly neighbor whose children no longer visit and simply check in with her.  My wish is that we remember the single mom whose children may be too young to know to make a card and maybe offer to take the children to the playground just so she can have some time to herself, maybe even nap or shower.

My wish is that we do better...because we know better.

Celebrate this Mother's day however you see fit. Love and grace are great gifts and each one of us can be a blessing to someone just by our mere presence.

Mom, I love you and thank you for loving me when I was the most unlovable.




Blessings for your day,