A friend of mine posted on her blog today after being gone from the "blogging world" for months. I was so happy to read her again. She actually had the exact words for why I have NOT been writing. I just happen to be fumbling over myself...with two left feet...for the past month...or so.
You should head over there and read what she has to say. Click here.
Go ahead. I'll wait.
Good stuff right?
I often ask myself why any of us so desperately seek the approval of others. How is that possible? How does that happen? How can you catch it in time to stop it from becoming an idol you worship? How did that happen to me? How do I get rid of it?
Now if I really took the time to explain to you where I look for the approval, many would say to me that it's no big deal. Also, "Of course everybody loves a compliment!", would be the perfect rationalization for my prodding and seeking.
But the problem became more of feeling as if I would be misunderstood and no one person could possibly appreciate what I was doing with nine little words. My encounters became about the stories and instead of actually "seeing" a person through their pray request. I would think about what lesson God may want to teach me rather then getting on my knees and earnestly praying. And lastly, instead of dancing with joy over being given a glimpse of His heart I would type and retype words to tell you a story that never made any sense...even to me.
Now before I sound completely out of whack, I will tell you that I never once asked one person my nine little words question that I did not carry in my heart and pray over. Every individual I ever asked has stayed with me and has been poured over in prayer. Unfortunately, with potential new encounters, what I recently started to do was think about the story and if you would even like it or think it was funny...before even asking the question! I would become so preoccupied with the setting, the weather, the mood, people around me, etc., that I wouldn't even have the courage to ask when it came time.
It's sort of like Samson. "...He awoke from his sleep and thought, "I'll go out as before and shake myself free." But he did not know that the LORD had left him." (Judges 16:20 NIV)
I am in no way saying God had abandoned me, but I certainly did not have the courage He had been giving me on my little adventure. He left me fumbling and waited for me to get over myself (huh...sort of like Samson again).
Because maybe, just maybe...He leads this dance...and I'm not as good as I think I am.
Oh, SNAP! [keepin' it real]
So where does this leave us?
Right where it all began.
Because just like the words of a wise woman:
"Even if I'm getting it wrong and I'm stepping all over God's toes. Even if I'm trying to lead GOD, and every one's laughing at the presumptuousness of that foolishness. Even then, He has not left me or forsaken me. He is out there--on the dance floor--claiming me as His--2 left feet and all. He delights in me and sings over me. He hates that I have to feel this way, but He knows what it will produce in me, so He is strong enough and loving enough to let me go through it." - Lisa Jones from Seeking Him Desperately
During this dance, I am actually very grateful my heavenly Daddy let me trip over myself...by myself and not bring anyone down. Because for a Latina who is supposed to have rhythm...well...that wouldn't be pretty. Trust me. Not pretty. At all.
Tomorrow I will tell you who I've recently seen, so we can pray...and then dance. Together.
Blessings for your day,