I started a private blog two years ago where I could write and just have a space to myself. Those perceived "walls" of silence were my comfort and friend in the maddening world of cyberspace. Little did I now how that space, my personal space, would begin a process of opening places in my heart that remained hidden from so many.
I wrote for myself.
Then one hot day in July of 2008 hit my soul and crushed my spirit in a form of grief I did not recognize. I woke up mornings attempting to function and cast off a heavy dressing of sadness and tears I believed was not mine to wear. I truly agonized. But why? Why was my pain so real and why did I think I had no right to cry? After all, I had only met her a year prior.
Why was it that every time I thought of her and saw his face, I felt a hot spear rip my flesh and stop my heart?
Why?
Today I can tell you why.
Because every life matters and I love her. I have loved her from the moment I first held her little daughter. Her little girl had me the moment I saw her with her barely-there-red hair and earrings that sparkled just like her momma's eyes. This little girl was a tiny six month old and I drank up every minute I had with her...and I loved her mother for trusting me to hold her while she attended church.
Yes, I love her and I want you to know her name.
Her name is Sara.
Today I also want you to know his name.
His name IS Brody.
Today I remember him. Today I say his name and know his family. Brody's mom. Brody's dad. Brody's brothers and sister. Brody's family and friends. Each and every one of them one loved him and still do. Each one grieved by his death two years ago on that hot summer day.
In my own grief I wrote a poem for Sara and because I was so inspired by her own courage, I shared it with her. It was the first poem I ever shared. When I gave it to her, I admitted that there was one line I didn't want to put in because I felt it was out of place. I told Sara that I had to pray over it and actually felt God speak to my heart and insist I put the line in. I argued and pleaded but the tugging on my heart had won.
It was a line about butterflies.
Guess what Sara said. She said it was the part that meant the most.
Imagine that.
Today is August 19th -
Day of Hope, which was started by another mom who's son died. She lives in Australia and on 08.19.2008, she dreamt of her son playing on the beach. That day, that morning of hope, a dream turned into a mission.
"A day to give. A day to remember. A day to speak out. All children are miracles"
I knew today was the opportunity to share Brody with you...and with Sara's permission, what I wrote for her two years ago. After going to my private blog and searching, I found the poem I had posted for anyone to find. The date: 08.19.2008
Imagine that.
Sara, this is for you, for your Brody because you know as well as I do that his life still matters today just as it did when I first shared this with you.
Today
Do you know I thought of you today?
Is it safe to call you my sister in Christ?
Is it safe to call you friend?
Is it safe to call?
So many questions
Not many answers
Only a bleeding heart
And empty arms
Do you know I thought of you today?
Did you visit with him?
The place where they laid him?
Did you see the butterfly dance above you?
So many days
But not enough time
The pain so real
You still feel him
Do you know I thought of you today?
Do you dream of him like I do of you?
Is he your first thought like you are mine?
Do you know how hard I pray?
I ask our Lord if I can carry some
Let me shoulder sadness - if only some
So you may have glimmers of joy
If only some
A month ago today
They laid him to rest
At this moment today
I prayed silently for you
Although I cannot take your pain
Although I cannot see tomorrow
Although you do not understand
Do you know I thought of him today?
...
I speak out because of courage. I speak out because I too have lost a baby I loved the moment I knew I carried him but I cannot imagine the pain of so many other mothers who have held their babies and have had to say goodbye. I speak out because silence hurts. I speak out because I am unafraid. I speak out because my friend's son died...and I love her.
Notice the butterfly.
Imagine that.
Would you mind to take a moment out of your day and sign Brody's guest book on his
virtual memorial site? I know Sara and the family would sincerely appreciate it. Please click
here.
Today.
Because even though we may lock ourselves away behind the "walls" of cyberspace, healing does begin when we reach out and share.
Blessings for your day,
