Cookie Cutter Words - Part III

From Cookie Cutter Words Part I , the story continues.  As I wrote in the last part, I needed to let her go and I was having a hard time doing so.  I honestly do not know why but I hope to be bold enough with you to show you what happened when I finally did.  Some parts may not be pretty and I may sound a little...ummm...off. But hold on tight until the end...this is not about me.

Remember I had told you last week about a story I was editing and editing?  I finally decided to leave the story as is. I want to let you see my thought process in the story I was telling so you might experience and feel what I felt. Afterall, the story is not about me or her.  It's about...Him.

The following is exactly what I wrote a few weeks ago:

"I have prayed for her several times and I did again today as I wrote this out. I don’t know what happened that afternoon nor do I know if I will ever see her again. But I would love to think that God continued to put people in her path to lift her and encourage her and bring her to a deep love where she would understand there is a place where there are no more tears.

I love the thought that someday I would be so honored to experience God’s glory and in His presence thank Him for all the beautiful people He’s placed in my life. To think that in the heaven above this hectic earth, He would introduce some of the ones I had never seen again back to me…one by one. Then I would see her smiling face again as He lovingly says,... [continual cursor blinking]"

Goodness! What in the world was I thinking?!!  No wonder I stared at the blinking cursor for days and couldn't finish the sentence.  Don't get me wrong, praying for someone and hoping to enjoy eternity with them is not a bad thing.  Trust me, there are alot of girlfriends I can't wait to hang out with and get "our worship on" in THE best place to dance and sing. But I was still making this experience about me...somehow.

I don't know if you noticed or not, but I had still not let go. Somehow I had convinced myself that praying for her and hoping to be introduced to her in heaven by our Creator, was letting go.  I had subconciously placed her in my "cookie cutter" expectation. It had all become about what I had done, and how I had prayed and what I wanted to see. But just like I had described previously in the "conversation" with my loving Daddy...it wasn't about me. Only I didn't see it yet.

Now fast forward.

It had been about six days since I last edited my story and gave up.  I told myself I would let it rest for a few days and then come back to it. When I finally did, it was a Friday morning. What was significant about that Friday was I had just experienced some pretty intense persecution a few days prior.  During that time, there was alot of prayer in which I thanked God for being able to see my heart.

There was aLOT of prayer and thanksgiving.

Here's the funny thing. I told my husband I felt I would be able to finish editing my story because I felt I was tender enough to understand...cookie cutter expectations because of cookie cutter words.  I then re-read my story.

Wow.

To my surprise, I saw what was in my heart and God had known it the whole time!  I had not let go of my expectations. I had not let her go in order to give God all due credit. I realized I was to be in thanksgiving for the interaction. Yes, in thanking God that He would handle all the growth from the seed that was planted those five months prior, it opened up an entirely different thought pattern. I didn't need to stop praying but I did need to start praising.

So I did.

I thanked God for all the things I could think of in how He had handled me in any of my own personal pain. I thanked Him for His goodness, love, gentleness, compassion, mercy, and encourgement. I thanked Him for His wisdom, understanding, patience, and kindness.  I thanked Him that He never misses a thing...not one tear. And I thanked Him for His Son, our sweet and beloved Jesus.  Yes! I thanked Him for the example we have in Jesus in how to live and how to love.  Because, "We love because He first loved us" (Jn 4:19)

That is how I let her go.

If you're still with me, remember I told you it was Friday morning when I realized I needed to start praising?  Seriously? You're still reading? Thank you.

Here is your reward:

(teaser alert!)

I had to run another quick errand that Friday afternoon.  You don't want to miss this update.